Meet The Chairman

At the beginning of last winter a female cat followed one of our fellow foreign teachers home, and he began to care for her. With each passing day, she demanded more and more food until she would only eat ice cream, Kentucky Fried Chicken and bonbons (jk). Well, they had to leave for their Thailand vacation, so they handed her over to a friend to watch her.

When they got back to Suzhou, the one cat turned into six cats! The mother cat is an orange and grey tabby and the father must have been a white cat. She gave birth to three timid white kittens, one matronly orange tabby and one adventurous grey tabby.

Our friend knew that Melissa has an affinity for grey tabbies, so he immediately started encouraging Melissa to adopt that kitten. Well, it didn't take much convincing, because Melissa fell in love with the little guy almost immediately!

Our friend called him Rosco the Rascal, and we call him Chairman Meow (I know, very original...), or just The Chairman. He's about two months old, and so far, his favorite place to sit is on our shoulders after clawing his way up our bodies. He likes to play, sit in our laps, and go dumpster diving for fresh poultry.

A few days ago, he got sick, but I can detail that in a later post. We took him to a vet and everything, but I didn't take any photos. We have to go back in two weeks to administer more medicine, so I'll try to remember to take our camera.

Violence Strikes Yueyang

About a week ago, Melissa and I started noticing posters of a boy's face plastered all over our town. Our liaison, Rock, and her husband, William, confirmed to us that the boy in the posters was a missing child. William said that he could have been taken, maimed and forced to beg for money, like in Slumdog Millionaire. Apparently, that kind of thing happens in China. I found this strange, because I had been led to believe that China is a safe place with little violent crime. Moreover, I had been led to believe that children were revered as precious beings due to the one-child policy. Perhaps I was a bit naive.

Rock came over last night to meet our boss, who was spending the night. We had a lovely conversation about the difference between China and America. Then, a little out of the blue, Rock told us that Rongjiawan is becoming less safe. When asked why, she told us they had found the missing boy. His strangled body had been found in an abandoned communications building just outside of our school's back gate. This news hit us pretty hard. Not only do we live close to that crime scene, but we had seen that child's face on the posters. So, it wasn't hard for us to imagine how he must have looked when they found him.

Rock must have been encouraged by our apparent dismay, as she continued to tell us something even more insidious. She told us that a Yueyang city taxi cab had recently been found with a blood-soaked interior. A few days later, the taxi driver's severed head was recovered. She told us that a conspiracy of Rongjiawan taxi drivers had killed the Yueyang city taxi driver as a message. Apparently, the Yueyang city taxi drivers had been encroaching on the Rongjiawan taxi drivers' business. I don't have any idea where she came up with this information, but it sure spooked the Hell out of us. From now on we will think twice about hiring a decapitating taxi driver.

We did not sleep soundly that night.

Cullen

Rongjiawan Has Fighter Jets?

During the past few weeks in Rongjiawan, I started noticing some airplane noises in the middle of the day. Now, this is a little strange due to the fact that the RJW skies were conspicuously free of air traffic before Chinese New Year. 

Just a few minutes ago, I heard the airplane noise again, and I looked out the window. I saw something grey and very fast streak across the sky. I could tell this was uncommon, as all the students playing in the field were gawking at it as well. When the sound almost disappeared, it started to get louder again, and I looked outside for a second time. To my amazement, the airplane came around for a second pass, as if it were circling the school! In all, it circled the school five times, which allowed me to take the above photo and the below video:



Our little Rongjiawan is growing up so fast! *tears*

Cullen

Fenghuang: The Disco Cave


On our second day in Fenghuang, Melissa and I went to check out the local cave... via moto! At least our liaison keeps calling it a moto. It looked more like a motorcycle to me. Melissa and I shared the moto ride, and believe you me, it sure was something! The entire time, I dangled my feet off the sides and dragged them along the ground to keep my flip-flops on my feet. Overall, the ride was pretty exhilarating!

Melissa poses in front of the entrance to the cave in the above photo. As you can see, there is a river going through the cave, which is cool. What you may not be able to see in the picture is that there were many falling leaves coming from above, which made for a scenic wait for the tour to begin. I asked if there was a toilet inside the cave, and Rock said, "Maybe you find a dark place." Nice. Turns out there was a toilet inside. So modern!

Now, I have to tell you before you see the rest of the pics; the lights throughout the cave are funkadelic, but the camera makes the lights look psychedelic. Prepare for a mind-blowing trip through... The Disco Cave!

Everyone straps on their roller skates, and I'm thinking, "Lets boogey over to the that rock chandelier," while The Bee Gees echoes in the background. I grab Melissa and we glide past the ancient Miao building, all lit up in ice blue. The guide tells us something about this cave being an ancient home to the Miao people, but we can't stop dancin'!

Whee! By this point, everyone's feelin' the beat. Just look at them go!

Melissa and I stop for a groovy glamour shot. What is the ceiling and what is the floor? I don't know!

We head upstairs to see some more craziness, and the ceiling starts to melt! Whoa! This is getting pretty weird, man!

Suddenly, a blue elephant appears! It's come to step on me!!!

AGHHHHH! A DRAGON!!

Oh no! Melissa tries to escape, as the cave shrinks all around us!

Finally, we get to the end of The Disco Cave. Melissa is completely bonkers at this point. She keeps on screaming something about a 'white deciduous forest' in the rock wall, as everyone roller-boogeys to the exit. As we near the light of the sun, some moron kills our buzz with a rambling guitar solo. Boooooo!

Cullen

Will it Survive?: The Emotional Series Finale

Mao mi came into our lives with a broken spirit and a whole lot of fleas. We cared for her in the most intimate manner; hand-nursing her back to what we hoped would be purrfect health. But from the start, she refused food and water, as if she was telling us that she was beyond our help. Mao mi passed away last night, while lying next to her warm water bottle.

Yesterday, she seemed to have lost all of her tiny strength. We spent a desperate night searching for and creating a kitten formula to feed her. Although she didn't want any of it, she swallowed what we slowly dropped into her mouth. Despite being the the fussiest of eaters, she was a sweet soul. She purred up until we tucked her into her warm bed last night. She will be greatly missed by us.

Cullen & Melissa

WILL! IT! SURVIVE!

Melissa and I miss American reality television. Chinese television programming just doesn't compare to the endless waves of reality-based bliss that pours from American idiot-boxes. Such a shame.

This is why we have created a new reality show of our own. We call it 'Will it Survive?', and I must say that the pilot episode is showing much promise. You see, in the show, we rescue a near-death kitten from being stomped on by a pint-sized Mao Zedong and give it a second chance for life in our home. The big question is in the title. I knew that life and death struggle could make for quality entertainment!

Okay, here's the back story: We were at the Yueyang train station, and we found this filthy kitten strewn out in front of a trash can. She looked like roadkill and would have become roadkill if we hadn't stopped a huge toddler from stomping her. It was very obvious that she would have died very soon if we didn't do something. We decided to give it a second chance at life. Rock carried the kitten in her hands the rest of the day (even throughout Wal-Mart). We brought her to our apartment to clean and feed her. After three baths with lice-killing shampoo, the water changed colors from brown to not-as-brown. Feeding the kitten has been a chore, as we need to pry open her mouth to pour the water/kitten food down her throat. So, that's fun.

Melissa and I are thinking of this as a catch and release sort of endeavor. There is a rather large cat population around our campus, so we are hoping that this environment will be more hospitable than the mean streets of Yueyang. Until then, we'll grab a snack and watch our new favorite show, 'Will it Survive?'

Cullen

Burners Replaced with Afterburners

Have you ever seen the movie Top Gun? Honestly, I haven't seen it in a while, but I remember that it showed a few jet-fighters taking off, with their afterburners lighting up and launching the aircraft into the sky. I was recently reminded of this part of the movie after using my repaired cooking range. The flame on the burners was really weak, so I complained to the school, and they got it 'fixed'. And by 'fixed,' I mean cranked up to eleven. I swear to almighty Zeus, the flame is a bright green when I turn it on high.

For the first meal I cooked up some snow peas with eggplant and then pork with black tree fungus (it tastes better than it sounds). I started the meal by burning the garlic to a deep, cancerous brown, followed by a hasty scrape onto the serving platter. Although oil got everywhere, I continued cooking.

I threw in the snow peas, and they died upon impact. A few moments later, the entire bottom of the pan became engulfed in flames, which quickly spread to the snow peas (poor things...). By the time I pulled the pan off the portal to Hell, the flame had shot up about two and a half feet! I swear, I thought that it was trying to escape out the exhaust fan.

After that debacle, I started on the black tree fungus for the second dish. All was going well until about a minute into the frying, when the fungi started exploding like popcorn! Fungus was flying all over the kitchen, rocketing from the wok at an alarming rate! By the time I was done with the stuff, half of it was on the floor.

Afterwards, all of the adrenaline in my system made it hard to use my chopsticks. On the plus side, it boils water lickety-split, so dumplings and tea are now that much easier to make...

Cullen

The Milk's a Scandal


Just in case you are living under a rock, China's milk supply was tainted by the plastic additive called melamine, which gives watered-down milk a more creamy consistency. I believe that the milk supply company named Sanlu is at fault. Apparently, they added this chemical to their milk to cut down on costs. Now, their company has 1.3 billion dissatisfied customers.

Melissa and I haven't been affected by the milk, and as further evidence, I give you the above expert witness, who says, "Blurp!" So, in case you were wondering, we're doing A-OK here in Hunan.

Cullen

Rong Jia Won: Fine Dining

Eating out in Rong Jia Won is always an adventure, but the food here is always Hunanese. We have no alternative foods, not even other Chinese food styles. Boring, yet harsh on your stomach.

A lot of restaurants have statues of big dogs guarding their doors. I know what you must be thinking; "Aww, those Chinese love the little doggies" WRONG! They love to eat them! I thought that dog was a dish that was not served in this area, but apparently, dog is eaten in Rong Jia Won, too. If a restaurant has pictures or statues of dogs, they are served in that restaurant.

I was at a dinner last week for all of the Senior 1 teachers, and after the meal, Melissa told me that one of the dishes was dog. We were separated by some men, who wanted to drink with me (or force me to drink), but they failed to warn me about any of the shady dishes that were served. Melissa's table, on the other hand, was very courteous to her and told her all about what to avoid.

I don't think that I ate any of the dog, but I can't be too sure. I used to not eat any meat at restaurants as a prevention to consuming dog, but I started to eat pork, which is pretty easy to identify. Anyways, I hear that dog meat looks like beef, and some say that it tastes better than beef. Blah!!

Cullen

Our Scenic Trip Back From Vacation

Melissa and I may have told you about this already, but I thought I might as well document this tale here as well. On the Saturday we were to return to RJW from Wulingyuan, fate decided that we would take the scenic route. We had planned on taking the minibus from Wulinyuan to Zhang Jia Jie, a bus to Changsha and yet another bus to RJW. However, we did not take the China-factor (nothing goes as planned here) into account. 

We woke up at 8:00 a.m., left the apartment by 8:30 a.m., took the town bus over to the bus station and left on the 9:00a.m. bus from Wulingyuan to Zhang Jia Jie. We arrived in the Zhang Jia Jie bus station at around 10:30 a.m. after an uncomfortable ride (the seat-back in front of Melissa was broken and the smelly passenger who sat there was basically lying in her lap). Mind you, it was raining constantly that day, which added about five bails of hay to our figurative camel's back. 

When we got to the ZJJ bus station I knew that we were on a very strict schedule, as the bus that we needed to catch from Changsha to RJW leaves at 4:00 p.m. I did my best to procure us two bus tickets at the earliest possible time, but my Chinese only went so far. I got the two tickets, but they we for the 1:00 p.m. bus. Upon realizing this, I went from agitated to upset, as I knew that we would have to wing it in Changsha.

We killed a few hours in an internet cafe, got on our bus, realized that we did not have seats together and I proceeded to mime my protests to the bus attendant. After a few minutes of pointing and acting like a baby, the attendant finally moved some people and I got to sit with Melissa on our four hour bus ride to Changsha. About halfway through our ride, we stopped at a rest stop and about half of the bus poured out to use the facilities. I thought it wise to wait a few minutes to let the fellow travellers clear out before I went in. I came out a few minutes later to find my bus driving away. I ran up to the bus, flagged it down and sat next to a terrified Melissa. Lesson learned.

We got into Changsha via the West bus station well after the last bus to RJW left, and Melissa dragged me kicking and screaming over to a noodle shop for some much-needed food. It was still pouring in Changsha, so hailing a taxi to get to the train station was extremely difficult. Melissa took charge of the situation and got us a taxi to the East bus station, which took longer than I think it should have. We got out and Melissa wanted to know where the trains were, and I angrily told her that the train station is not here (I assumed that she wanted to take a bus when she told the driver to go to the East station, but she didn't realize that the East bus station is completely separate from the train station). Not my proudest moment.

Melissa asked some bystanders where the bus to Yueyang is and they pointed to the nearest bus. She asked the bus driver if he was going to Yueyang, and he said, "blah, blah, blah, Yueyang, blah." That was good enough for us, so we boarded and took our seats, fuming at each other. The guy sitting next to me was talking on his cell phone, so I listened in to try to hear if he said Yueyang. Lo and behold, he said Yueyang. I felt much more comfortable at that point.

It wasn't until about an hour into the trip that we noticed something wrong. We saw mountains, and the road didn't look familiar. You see, Yueyang is a very flat area, but I thought that we must be coming in from another area, an area that I had not seen before. The bus stopped in a very dark, random back-alley bus station, and we found ourselves utterly lost. While we tried to figure out where to go, a crowd of people started to form around us. I kept asking them where Yueyang County No. 1 Middle School is in Mandarin, but the few people who seemed interested in helping us just looked at me like I was crazy. That's when it started to hit me. I pointed to the ground, said, "Yueyang", and the man pointed to the ground and said, "Liuyang". 

Melissa, rightly so, pulled me away from the crowd to find a taxi (thieves come out at night). We flagged one down, called up our Chinese liaison, and gave the phone to the driver. He talked with her for a minute, handed me the phone and she informed me that we had taken a bus to Liuyang, two hours in the wrong direction (Fun fact: Liuyang is the fireworks capital of the world). Melissa and I freaked out for about a half hour and weighed our options. We could have stayed that night with a volunteer who lives twenty miles outside the city, or go back to Changsha via taxi for 300 kuai. In the end, we decided to go back to Changsha, mostly due to my insistence that we just get this trip over with. It was a two hour ride back to Changsha, and it was already 8:00 p.m.

Our only transportation option in Changsha was the train, so we had the driver go there. He was actually supposed to come into the ticket office and buy our tickets for us, but we hit a traffic jam right outside the station, so he couldn't park. We jumped out of the cab, mid-traffic jam and headed for the ticket window. Luckily, we spotted a girl who looked as though she went to school (these people tend to speak English, if you can find them). We introduced ourselves to 'Lollipop', and asked her to help us buy the tickets. After that, she led us into the station and showed us where we needed to wait for our 11:30 p.m. train to Yueyang. It turned out that we had standing room only tickets. We said good-bye, and she left us to ourselves.

While waiting for the train, we were struck by the sheer amount of people in the station sitting, standing and sleeping on the floor. Among these people was a group of German-looking folk. They saw us and didn't seem interested in conversation, much to my relief (they looked weird). Later, while standing, an Iranian-looking fellow appeared to our left. I think that I thought he was Iranian because he was thin, had dark hair, had olive skin, was wearing a tunic-looking shirt and was peeling an orange with a switchblade. Well, my profile was way off, as it turns out that he is an Italian student backpacking around China. We got to talking, and it turned out that he had the same ticket as us. Yay! A new (temporary) friend!

In China, when trains come into the station, the people who are boarding line up, get their ticket checked and run like Hell to their train. They do this because most people buy standing room only tickets, but take a seat on the train. They do this in hopes that the seat has not been taken. If somebody with a ticket comes to the seat, that person then kicks the other person out of his/her seat.

However, when our train was called, a HUGE line formed, and when the line wasn't going fast enough, the people in the back of the line bum-rushed another entrance to the platform. Since we were in the back of the line, we thought, "What the heck. Why not?" and hurdled over the rows of seats in our way to get to the newly-opened gate. 

The train itself looks like it was pulled out of an old movie (think of the train from Young Frankenstein for inspiration). There were already hundreds, if not thousands, of people on the train, and not a seat could be found. Packed together like vertical sardines, we departed at 11:45 p.m. Take a look at the below picture (got from internet) for an idea of what the standing room only train is like, and realize that our train was much, much worse:

We did not have a convenient place to put our backpack, so we kept it with us. A few men about twenty feet away cleared a space above them for our pack, but we were not in the trusting mood. We stood all the way to Yueyang and got off our train at about 1:15 a.m. Probably the highlight of the trip, aside from meeting the friendly Italian, was the discovery of our liaison and her boyfriend waiting for us outside of the Yueyang train station. They had been waiting for us for about an hour, and intended to make sure that we did not get lost again. After saying good-bye to our Italian friend, they took us home via taxi (with a pit stop at the taxi gas station), and we arrived in RJW at about 2:30 a.m. I don't think we can ever thank Rock and William enough for helping us that day.

All in all, we travelled from Wulingyuan to Zhang Jia Jie to Changsha to Liuyang to Changsha to Yueyang to Rong Jia Won. The bolded city names in the previous sentence can be found on this map:


This experience almost ruined our vacation to Zhang Jia Jie National Park. However, whenever I got upset, Melissa tried her best to cheer me up and when she got upset, I tried my best to cheer her up. It was incredibly stressful, but there were many times when I actually enjoyed myself. If anything, we can look back on this experience and laugh.

Cullen

Need to Get Somewhere Dangerously?

If you need to get to the other side of town, but are not sure if you reeaally want to get there, hop in a taxi tricycle! The taxi tricycle is an interesting invention of local origin. Allow me to explain in such detail that leaves nothing to the imagination: the inventor chops off the rear end of a motorcycle and replaces it with the most rickety wooden carriage he is able to buy/find on the side of the road. Voila! The taxi tricycle is born, dripping with placenta (or is that gasoline?).

We had such a moment where we had to go somewhere, but didn't reeaally want to get there. We had to go across town to start the visa application process at our local police station. Fun. So, we rolled the dice with our lives and took one of these contraptions to get there.

Here is a photo of Melissa riding in the back of a taxi tricycle. You can't see it because of the ginormous sunglasses, but she has the look of utter self-abandon in her eyes. We creaked and sputtered to our destination and paid the driver three kuai, which is something like $0.43. Yaaaaaaaaay.

Cullen

Everybody Kung Fu Fought

So, the other day, our Chinese teachers wanted to give us a culturally rich reward for working so hard. They contacted their Kung Fu instructor friend and had him come to Changsha No. 1 Middle School to give us a one hour class. The instructor did a warm up consisting of high kicks and jumping splits, all of which was impressive.

He guided us through a twelve step routine, which actually made everyone break a sweat (but the 100% humidity probably had something to do with that). Above is an action shot of me doing a punch-a-ma-jig to the left.

Melissa really got into the whole Kung Fu thing, as shown from the above photo. After class, she started breaking things in half while uttering a terrifying primal scream. Somebody tried to cut in front of her in line at the supermarket and she knocked the guy out. True story.

~ Cullen

Do You Stinky Tofu? Hint: Don't

Today, our Chinese teacher gave us a special treat before class! It was stinky tofu! I know you're jealous!

So, a little background to this wondrous 'food item': I had passed a certain garbage can near Walking Street that has consistently smelled as if it was used as a vomit and diaper receptacle. I'm not even kidding about how terrible this smell is. It turns out that the trash can is next to a stinky tofu stand, and that smell is the waste products of that 'treat'. Everyone throws away their used wrappers and unfinished stinky tofu in that trash can. For more info, the wikipedia page for stinky tofu is here.

Anyways, I didn't want to upset the teacher, so I tried a little, and I have to say that I wish I had not been so polite. Everybody else thought it was OK, but that was because they dipped theirs in soy sauce. Mine was straight out of the bag, dripping with stink. Melissa wisely did not try the stinky tofu, but was equally grossed out by the whole experience.

~ Cullen